Did I close the garage?

Did I close the garage? Did I lock the door? These are normal questions that the average person asks themselves when they leave their home, but I can assure you the average person does not dwell on them all day. The average person probably does not leave their job or school to go home to double and triple check their actions. Well, I used to think about these questions, and I used to leave school and work to double and triple check to make sure my door was locked and my garage was closed. My name is Justin Silverberg, and I suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder, or OCD, which has causes a great deal of anxiety and even depression in my life.

For the larger part of my life my parents and I never thought anything of my “quirks,” but as I grew older we found out that many of these “quirks” were extremely unhealthy. For instance, I used to wash my hands over 30 times a day, I couldn’t touch door handles of buildings, and I was afraid to go the bathroom without showering after because of my fear for germs. Thankfully my devoted and loving parents and my wonderful girlfriend encouraged me to receive treatment for my OCD, anxiety, and depression.

It was in therapy that I came to terms with my situation. For years I had kept quiet about my internal feelings, but I finally realized that it was more than okay to be who I was and who I am now. My psychologist helped me discover the Justin that I wanted to be and the Justin I am now. But the interesting part is that the Justin I wanted to be and the Justin I am now is the same person I have always been. The only difference is that now I can control my mental illnesses, and not be ashamed of them.

While I constantly strive to keep my OCD and anxiety quiet, I would be lying to you if I said I never fall back into old tendencies occasionally, because I do. But I have become so mentally tough through hard work that I am stronger than my illnesses, and cannot or will not be debilitated by them. A few weeks ago I was having a rough week- you know exams, extracurricular, and the cold weather piling into a rough few days- so I called my girlfriend who is studying in Spain and told her I wish I didn’t have anxiety or OCD. She responded with, “Just, you would not be you if that were the case. I love you for who you are, and you should love yourself for the same.” She was right, while my illnesses don’t define me, they are a part of who I am, because they have made me stronger and taught me to work hard. I can choose to sulk about them, or choose to be proud of who I am. In fact, my obsessive tendency to try and perfect everything I do has allowed me to become the friend, the son, the brother, the student, and the boyfriend that I am today.

Anxiety, OCD, depression, and any mental illness for that matter can cause a great deal of internal struggle throughout certain points in our lives, but it is how prepare for those circumstances that will truly determine how we react when that situation comes. I will not and will never let my illness win! For those of you out there reading this, going through a similar situation, just remember that you are stronger and more resilient than you can ever imagine. I promise!

#mentalillness #anxiety #ocd #depression #struggle #therapy #treatment